Colonel Heeza Liar doesn't need to see a battle to write it up. Not he. He sits in the trenches, his trusty typewriter on his knees and rips off "eye-witness" descriptions that would make "our special correspondent at the front" blush for shame. His success is his undoing, though. He is given a camera and has to go out on the firing line to photograph the action he so vividly describes. The old Colonel can't see his way out of this, so he just goes. Setting up his camera in f... (Full plot summary below)
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Colonel Heeza Liar doesn't need to see a battle to write it up. Not he. He sits in the trenches, his trusty typewriter on his knees and rips off "eye-witness" descriptions that would make "our special correspondent at the front" blush for shame. His success is his undoing, though. He is given a camera and has to go out on the firing line to photograph the action he so vividly describes. The old Colonel can't see his way out of this, so he just goes. Setting up his camera in fear and trembling, he lets loose on the crank and all is well until the leaden hail starts imitating a snowstorm in Alaska. The Colonel is inspired with the courage of a man who knows there's no escape, and dodges the larger shot with an almost jubilant agility. His tripod is shot from under his camera, but the Colonel keeps on cranking. Hundreds of shots, any one of which carries sweet repose, sneak through his shifty legs, under his flapping arms, through his very fingers, but still he cranks. It would be most undignified to say that the Colonel was a "crank on pictures," so we'll leave that out. Suddenly Heeza feels himself hoisted from behind by a treacherous shot, and riding a cannonball through the clouds. He lands amongst friends, though, and surprises them with his sudden terror when told he is to be "decorated" for his bravery.
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