When Teresa and the girls leave their suburban New Jersey salon for a weekend of sun and sin down the shore, they are blindsided by a bizarre twist of events that catapult them from the sands of Seaside Heights to a secluded house deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Frightened by stories of the legendary Jersey Devil, the local population of Pineys and a giant dim-witted neighbor, the girls eagerly return to Seaside Heights where they hook-up with five fist-pumping delinquen... (Full plot summary below)
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When Teresa and the girls leave their suburban New Jersey salon for a weekend of sun and sin down the shore, they are blindsided by a bizarre twist of events that catapult them from the sands of Seaside Heights to a secluded house deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Frightened by stories of the legendary Jersey Devil, the local population of Pineys and a giant dim-witted neighbor, the girls eagerly return to Seaside Heights where they hook-up with five fist-pumping delinquents who incessantly disrespect all with their reprehensible behavior. As day turns to night, the group converges at a Seaside bar where they are soon ejected for inciting a dance-floor brawl. With nowhere else to go, the group retreats to the house in the Pine Barrens for a night of carnal delights. Blinded by their selfish pursuits, the group remains unaware that their long outstanding debt to humanity is about to be settled - with their lives. One by one, the body count soars as retribution is exacted at the hands of a mentally-deranged killer with much more than just an axe to grind.
Leave your thoughts about Jersey Shore Massacre.
| Village VoiceChuck WilsonWatching the hopelessly vapid get taken out, one by one, has never been more depressing. |
| TheFilmFile.comDustin PutmanDistinctly unimaginative in its third act but competently made nonetheless, "Jersey Shore Massacre" should divert viewers under the right circumstances. Otherwise, this is pretty disposable fare. |
| VarietyDennis HarveyAs willfully lowbrow dumb fun goes, it’s pretty painless. |
| We Got This CoveredMatt DonatoImagine the cast of MTV's Jersey Shore stuck in a slasher movie - but then remove any bits of entertainment, intelligence or respectful execution you might assume would be present. Who pulled the pin on this grenade? |
| New York Daily NewsJordan HoffmanThis is a washout lacking jokes or scares. |
| New York TimesBen KenigsbergAcknowledging Hurricane Sandy, Jersey Shore Massacre reminds viewers that it’s hardly the worst disaster to hit the region. But it gives the Hindenburg stiff competition. |
| Film RacketMike McGranaghanThis irredeemably awful film should only be viewed under threat of grievous bodily harm. And even then, you should give your choice some careful consideration. |
| Lyles' Movie FilesJeffrey LylesBrutal even by B movie standards, making for one of the longer 88 minutes no viewer should ever be forced to have to endure. |
| The DissolveCharles BramescoWhat keeps Jersey Shore Massacre lively is that this mean-spirited, aggressively stupid film constantly finds new and shocking ways to be terrible. |
| Los Angeles TimesRobert AbeleThere's no ignoring the aggressive stupidity and crassness behind the whole enterprise. |
