Never Too Young to Die
Never Too Young to Die

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- 48/100 based on 2,026 votes

Velvet Von Ragner is a powerful murderous psychopathic gang leader, but also a transgender person who prides himself of being both a man and a woman. He's holding a gang rally where he announces his plans to poison the water supply and pipeline of a major US city. However, top US secret agent and double O counterpart Drew Stargrove steals a key component he needs to pull this off. After an action packed shoot out, Stargrove is surrounded and although he puts up a good fight, ... (Full plot summary below)

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Actors in Never Too Young to Die:

John Stamos
Vanity
Gene Simmons
George Lazenby
Robert Englund
Peter Kwong

Full Plot Details

Velvet Von Ragner is a powerful murderous psychopathic gang leader, but also a transgender person who prides himself of being both a man and a woman. He's holding a gang rally where he announces his plans to poison the water supply and pipeline of a major US city. However, top US secret agent and double O counterpart Drew Stargrove steals a key component he needs to pull this off. After an action packed shoot out, Stargrove is surrounded and although he puts up a good fight, he's eventually killed by Von Ragner. However, the component is not on him. Meanwhile, his estranged son Lance, a talented high school gymnast, receives the word of his father's death. As part of their denial protocol, the government claims that he's been killed in a car accident, which Lance doesn't buy. Lance notices that part of his inheritance is a farm he never knew his father had, so he goes there to check it out. The only person living there turns out to be Danja Deering, a beautiful female spy, who worked with Drew in more ways than one. Two of Von Ragner's henchmen arrive thinking that she has the component and assault her. Lance arrives just in the nick of time and helps her defeat them, although his barn blows up in the process. Danja explains the situation to him and they agree to team up and stop Von Ragner. However, Von Ragner has plenty of insanely loyal, buffed and well armed psychopathic henchmen, he's a master of disguises and he doesn't stray away from murder or sexual assault, so they'll have their work cut out for them. Both sides have their own tech experts to assist them in their quest - Velvet Von Ragner has nerdy Riley and Lance has his Asian-American roommate and tech genius Cliff, who comes up with one of the most original weapons ever seen on film.

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Movie Reviews

User Review - 10/10 by Gabriel RProbably the best script ever crafted and cast selection ever made. No poster is available because that kind of awesomeness cannot be contained within the confines of that small box.
User Review - 10/10 by Altered EAbsolutely brilliant. Half-baked writing, accidentally hilarious editing, ridiculously over-the-top performance from Gene Simmons and his tongue, if you can believe it. Plenty of production ineptitude to mock loudly with friends, but not so depressingly bad that it becomes a chore to watch. I also heard that Vanity dumped Prince to be with John Stamos after this movie, talk about facepalm.
User Review - 10/10 by Josh S[color=black]Simply put, this effortlessly tops my list of movies that need to find their way to dvd. It's easily my favorite cheesy 80s action movie of all time, and needs to be seen to be believed.[/color]
User Review - 10/10 by Audrey MIt was entertaining in every ridiculous '80's way possible.
User Review - 10/10 by Joshua Pi dont care what you say about this movie, Gene Simmons in drag and full-house era john stamos as a super spy was the highlight of my childhood! lol
User Review - 10/10 by Barancy PTrust me, this is the greatest 80's film you've never seen. It will blow your mind.
User Review - 10/10 by Michael OLet me break down why this movie is fucking awesome: John Stamos plays himself as he tries to stop a power-mad hermaphrodite (Gene Simmons complete with fake tits) from taking over the world. Your going to get mullets galore, ninjas, barbarians, Robert Englund, a sometimes coked up vanity, a really out of place George Lazenby cameo, a plucky Asian side kick and Gene Simmons trying to seduce Stamos with his super creepy special effects hermaphrodite boobs. So unbelievably bad it comes back on it's self and ends up in citizen kane territory. Have Mercy!
User Review - 8/10 by Lesley MAre you looking at this cast???? Why is this not a musical yet?
User Review - 8/10 by Ryan SIn my eyes a strong contender in the battle for all-time best, worst movie.
User Review - 8/10 by Zahran ZThis is a very good movie, kinda James Bondesque, Gene Simmons is awesome.

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